I have noticed that writing a blog is not unlike having a relationship. If you put nothing into it, it is not demanding, but then when you want it to be there, reflecting something warming and worthwhile back to you, it is empty.
I have to ask myself whether I started a blog because I had a really good idea I wanted to explore with a wide audience (the sleep project), or because I needed more company? Surely both, but what exactly is the company I am looking for in here? And, if I am so confident that my idea is a good one why didn’t I just tell my embodied friends?
It seems we are caught up in a culture where we tend to believe that we all have something totally unique and awesome to give to the world. This is not just because of the media telling us we’re ‘worth it’ (every single individual is a real princess/handsome prince, even if deep inside). It is also something we learn by example – so many real people we know and admire have built, invented and achieved extraordinary things, and there is recognition that every human has that kind of creative potential within them. Why are we average? Because we have not found ourselves yet. Why are we worried about being normal? Because we have yet to defeat our inner demons and set our spirit free. Why is life so difficult that sometimes we can’t even do the dishes? Because we are channelling all our energy into divine self-realisation??
Why write a blog? Because then the whole world will notice the amazing inner you, that your friends probably love you for, but that they can’t really remind you of all the time (that would just be weird). Write yourself out into the open; get a consensus view on your individuality.
I started a blog because I knew my great new idea about experimenting with non-sexual sleeping with other adults wouldn’t stand up to scrutiny for very long in conversation. Each person would have a personal take – experiences of that kind that were either disastrous, or no big deal, that is, not worth starting a movement over. Or perhaps they would psychoanalyse me: “You fancy that guy badly but won’t admit it.” Or more likely: “For crying out loud would you please stop finding new things to do to avoid working…”
No, my friends need a break sometimes, and I need to see what patterns emerge from sleeping together experiences when LOTS of people share them. But you can’t get lots of people to share their experiences in a blog just by leaving it floating in space… and going out of date.
Part of me really wants to stay focussed on my theme, because otherwise, even when I do have a bunch of readers, they won’t be people who are thinking about how to sleep with their friends in order to forge new forms of emotional intimacy between adults, partly making up for the dried-out and soulless ‘community’ that modern Western life provides for most working city dwellers. Then again, I do quite like just writing about what I’m thinking when I am on my own and doing that seems to keep a lot of other bloggers happy.
A solution emerges. I want you to tell me your personal experiences of sleeping with people you don’t fancy, and those you do, without having sex, and about how it felt. I want you to offer your opinions on the idea that a lot of experiences collected up might show us something important. I want you to share thoughts and memories, but no-one wants to go first… so I have to start blogging some much more personal experiences myself.
Logically, I’ll start with non-sexual sleeping with other adults, but that won’t take me particularly long. To keep this space filled I will have to diversify into my other favourite subject – sex. You have driven me to this, so don’t say you haven’t been warned.